I've just submitted ~ for the first time EVER ~ a piece to Mslexia. Under my real name.
I feel a bit sick, actually. But also rather proud of my bravery. Have utterly no belief that it will make it in, but I'm getting back on the submission horsey and starting to send stuff off, as I feel like I've done naff all in writing terms recently. Thats not strictly true, but I've been nowhere near focussed of late, and I need to get back into it.
It's been chaotic, the last few weeks.
The play wot I was in is done and dusted ~ thank Christ. Not a happy experience, overall, for lots & lots of reasons. Audiences loved it, mind you, but the rehearsal process was the most aggravating I've ever endured. I'll blog about it in more details when I've got a bit more perspective on that!
In other news, I've embarked upon a course of acupuncture, for stress relief, primarily, and I may well be addicted.
And I've started counselling, with regard to the miscarriage, as things were
getting harder, not easier, as time went on, and that ain't helping anyone or anything.
I've realised that I don't blog ~ or write ~ enough because I feel like I should have loads to say in order to make it worthwhile. And then I never get round to it.
So from now on snippets are the way forward for me.
Bite by bite.....
Showing posts with label counselling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label counselling. Show all posts
Monday, May 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I’m still here ~ just about.
Thought I’d better pop and point out that I’m still alive ~ I haven’t evaporated!
I’ve never seen myself as, nor intended to be, a confessional writer, either in my fiction or my blogging. If anything I’ve always been more of a bottler than a blabber when it comes to things that are troubling me.
This is, I realize a far lonelier and more difficult way of navigating the whirlpools of existence than it needs to be. There is something wonderful in finding kind hands reaching out to you, especially when you haven’t even asked. My husband, my parents and the close friends I’ve opened up to recently have been marvelous at offering support (emotional, financial), advice, and general loveliness. And I’m working towards being less confrontational, and more rounded, softer, receptive.
In no order of chronology or significance, the main monsters at my door are currently:
1) Tying to translate my recently completed psychology degree into a change of career (counselling). This is involving financial sacrifices, training decisions, the search for voluntary experience, and big decisions about long term family plans ~ it’s time consuming, confusing, and scary ~ like stepping off a big ledge.
2) long-term family plans ~ as in trying to start one. It hasn’t happened yet, and whilst I’m trying to be relaxed about it, as it is universally acknowledged that tension and stress are both passions killers and highly effective contraceptives. I’m the very opposite of the “que sera” mentality that I should have. And if I’m honest, we haven’t been trying that long (just over three months), but I’m not the patient type & I want everything yesterday ~ sooner if possible. So I’m finding the fact that my ovaries don’t obey my bidding rather frustrating.
Those are the main two issues ~ and they’re fairly intertwined, and then there’s other niggly stuff:
3) We’re embarking upon a major catalogue of housing renovations ~ a logistic pain in the arse, and I’m dreading the upheaval that will come with it. Add to that the fact that tradesmen don’t always arrive when they say they will (and using up my precious few remaining days off work ~ cheers!). Again, all part of that long term plan….
4) I spent a small fortune on a new pair of running shoes last week ~ and I’ve ended up with sore heels, ankles, knees and calves. So I’m not running much, which isn’t great as it’s my main form of stress release (wine not withstanding). And it means that I’m going to have to duck out of the Tynedale 10 miler this coming Sunday ~ and they give you free jelly at the end! L. Gait analysis and replacements required this weekend ! (£££££££££)
5) I chipped one of our crystal wine glasses ~ an engagement gift from my grandmother. Must have had a flaw in it as I barely tapped it against the rim of another one, and a huge lump fell out. And according to the very sullen girl who answered the phone at House of Fraser, you can only buy full set of 6, and not singular replacements. This is surely insane? Unsurprisingly I am still waiting for her manager to get back to me with details of how I can contact the manufacturer directly….. Maybe a china matching service might be able to help?
6) And that self same day I also managed to chip one of the bowls which was part of our wedding crockery (pre-menstrual dispraxia, I think ~ although I did manage to use this as a reason to get out of doing the rest of the washing up that day ~ silver lining, eh?)
7) A215 (OU creative writing course) is hitting a critical stage ~ three assignments due in the next three weeks. Yikes.
And yes, I know that a lot of this stuff is very trivial ~ I know that there are millions of people out there dealing with much much worse. None of this stuff is life or death. And some of it is downright trivial (I do have the good grace to be ashamed of myself for whining about a chipped wine glass), but the pat-a-cake piling up of stuff at a time when my emotional reserves are low and my hormones kaleidoscopic makes for a bit of a mess.
There’s good stuff too, of course, when I remember to look for it. I went through one of my old notebooks the other day, and found a lot of really good stuff in there. So much so that if I hadn’t recognized my own handwriting I would have doubted that I’d written it.
And I’ve found a few new angles for Sonia (central protagonist of the WIP), a lot of which has come out of the recent disjointedness. The splinter of ice in this writer’s heart tells me that this will all be useable, once it’s cooled a little.
Finally, I am lucky to have a wonderful husband who pours restorative wine, lights soothing candles, does the washing up and has the safest warmest arms I’ve ever felt around me. And he loves me even when there’s snot running down my face and I’m an incoherent mess.
********************
Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible ~ I look forward to visiting everyone’s blogs once the job / training applications are done and dusted.
I’ve never seen myself as, nor intended to be, a confessional writer, either in my fiction or my blogging. If anything I’ve always been more of a bottler than a blabber when it comes to things that are troubling me.
This is, I realize a far lonelier and more difficult way of navigating the whirlpools of existence than it needs to be. There is something wonderful in finding kind hands reaching out to you, especially when you haven’t even asked. My husband, my parents and the close friends I’ve opened up to recently have been marvelous at offering support (emotional, financial), advice, and general loveliness. And I’m working towards being less confrontational, and more rounded, softer, receptive.
In no order of chronology or significance, the main monsters at my door are currently:
1) Tying to translate my recently completed psychology degree into a change of career (counselling). This is involving financial sacrifices, training decisions, the search for voluntary experience, and big decisions about long term family plans ~ it’s time consuming, confusing, and scary ~ like stepping off a big ledge.
2) long-term family plans ~ as in trying to start one. It hasn’t happened yet, and whilst I’m trying to be relaxed about it, as it is universally acknowledged that tension and stress are both passions killers and highly effective contraceptives. I’m the very opposite of the “que sera” mentality that I should have. And if I’m honest, we haven’t been trying that long (just over three months), but I’m not the patient type & I want everything yesterday ~ sooner if possible. So I’m finding the fact that my ovaries don’t obey my bidding rather frustrating.
Those are the main two issues ~ and they’re fairly intertwined, and then there’s other niggly stuff:
3) We’re embarking upon a major catalogue of housing renovations ~ a logistic pain in the arse, and I’m dreading the upheaval that will come with it. Add to that the fact that tradesmen don’t always arrive when they say they will (and using up my precious few remaining days off work ~ cheers!). Again, all part of that long term plan….
4) I spent a small fortune on a new pair of running shoes last week ~ and I’ve ended up with sore heels, ankles, knees and calves. So I’m not running much, which isn’t great as it’s my main form of stress release (wine not withstanding). And it means that I’m going to have to duck out of the Tynedale 10 miler this coming Sunday ~ and they give you free jelly at the end! L. Gait analysis and replacements required this weekend ! (£££££££££)
5) I chipped one of our crystal wine glasses ~ an engagement gift from my grandmother. Must have had a flaw in it as I barely tapped it against the rim of another one, and a huge lump fell out. And according to the very sullen girl who answered the phone at House of Fraser, you can only buy full set of 6, and not singular replacements. This is surely insane? Unsurprisingly I am still waiting for her manager to get back to me with details of how I can contact the manufacturer directly….. Maybe a china matching service might be able to help?
6) And that self same day I also managed to chip one of the bowls which was part of our wedding crockery (pre-menstrual dispraxia, I think ~ although I did manage to use this as a reason to get out of doing the rest of the washing up that day ~ silver lining, eh?)
7) A215 (OU creative writing course) is hitting a critical stage ~ three assignments due in the next three weeks. Yikes.
And yes, I know that a lot of this stuff is very trivial ~ I know that there are millions of people out there dealing with much much worse. None of this stuff is life or death. And some of it is downright trivial (I do have the good grace to be ashamed of myself for whining about a chipped wine glass), but the pat-a-cake piling up of stuff at a time when my emotional reserves are low and my hormones kaleidoscopic makes for a bit of a mess.
There’s good stuff too, of course, when I remember to look for it. I went through one of my old notebooks the other day, and found a lot of really good stuff in there. So much so that if I hadn’t recognized my own handwriting I would have doubted that I’d written it.
And I’ve found a few new angles for Sonia (central protagonist of the WIP), a lot of which has come out of the recent disjointedness. The splinter of ice in this writer’s heart tells me that this will all be useable, once it’s cooled a little.
Finally, I am lucky to have a wonderful husband who pours restorative wine, lights soothing candles, does the washing up and has the safest warmest arms I’ve ever felt around me. And he loves me even when there’s snot running down my face and I’m an incoherent mess.
********************
Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible ~ I look forward to visiting everyone’s blogs once the job / training applications are done and dusted.
