Intravenous drug-using hooker with malaria

Oooh, I'm so close to 20% I can taste it! I've never got this far with a novel before, so i'm pretty chuffed. Not to mention the pages and pages of long-hand i've yet to type up, which could put me nearer to 35%, I reckon!!

Been MIA for a while ~ I've hit the time when my baby would have been due, and it's been a difficult time for us, especially as we're not yet pregnant again. So, there's been one minor emotional meltdown, and lots of quiet time, while I attempt to surf over this particularly messy few weeks. I'm almost out the other side of things though, so hopefully I'm headed in the right direction.

Scarborough ~ ah, what a dichotomy of a place! Pensioners vs hen parties, Kiss me Quick vs Victoriana. I loved it! Could I have spent a week there? Probably not ~ we had as good as run out of things to do by the time we left (fish & chips, funfair, pirate ship ride around the bay, art gallery, castle, publishers discount bookshop). I reckon a weekend was just about right. Hotel was marvellous ~ if you're ever staying in Scarborough then the Crescent Hotel comes highly recommended by moi.


Currently reading Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl. Enjoying it thus far, but the reviews suggest that it jades after a while. We'll see......



PS: Didn't manage to give blood in the end ~ because I have acupuncture I was required to take a copy of my therapist's certificate to prove that they are registered and therefore I have not contracted some hideous blood disease from allowing some backstreet quack to stick dirty needles in me. But of course they don't tell you this until you get there (Me: Oh, I didn't know I should have brought that with me. Them: That's right, we tend not to tell people). Embarrassingly I had to walk back out IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, clearly having been turned down as unsuitable ~ so there's a room full of people who probably think I'm an intravenous drug-using hooker with malaria. Marvellous.

Scarborough......

....is where me and husband shall be spending Saturday night. Neither of us have ever been before. Have you? Got any suggestions for lovely things to see / do / eat?


I'm nearly(ish) finished "Over you" ~ should manage to get through the last 80 pages tonight, but I shall be sad to finish it :-( . I'll be curling myself up on the sofa with lots of choc and and reading materials and being deservedly lazy, cos I'm giving blood today for the first time and I'm super-nervous!

Bat Husband

Got up early to write this morning, thinking I'd have a good 45 mins to myself before I had to get ready for work. Hubby is not at work today so I assumed he'd be staying in bed, all the better to keep out of my way.

Wrong.

He got up too. Why? Because he was too excited to sleep as today is "a very special day".

Birthday? Wedding Anniversary?

No.

Today is the UK release date for Batman: The Dark Knight. And my husband is obsessed with Batman. Actually, that's not strictly true. He believes that he is Batman, a bit (it would be cruel of me to point out at this juncture that he cannot, in fact, be Batman, as his lack of driving license would debar him from driving the Batmobile).

At least he made me a cup of tea......

b's amusing account of her confusion when she first moved up to Newcastle set me thinking about this:

When I first lived in Sheffield I would regularly see buses with "Intake - city centre" on the front.

I surmised that thiswas some sort of 'shopping shuttle', and that for the purposes of speedy service you could get on this bus to the city centre but you couldn't get off (i.e. 'intake' only) . This is not at all logical, because while the bus is stopped to let peopel on it takes no extra time for people to get off, but whatever.....

It was YEARS before it was brought to my attention that there is an area of Sheffield called "Intake", from whence said bus originated......

And didn't the bride look lovely....

.....Oooh, she really really did. I promptly burst into tears as soon as I saw her, then had to recompose myself super-quickly as I was up first with my reading, which (phew!) I managed to do very very well (if I do say so myself!) and received many a compliment for it. I'm thinking of it as useful experience for when I am a famous author and have to do loads and loads of public appearances....

Also saw loads of friends that I haven't seen for YONKS! (ten years, in some cases), made some lovely new friends, and made a tit of myself on the dancefloor: I'd been drinking since early afternoon, and was convinced that I had some foxy moves. I, in fact, had no moves. Or balance. Or co-ordination......

Aw, ain't weddings brill?


In other news, I managed precisely nil writing over the weekend, as pre-wedding jitters put paid to that on saturday morning, and the DAY LONG hangover made Sunday a total write-off.

I will be good this week, though, promise!

Here comes the bride!

Shoes that look pretty but inflict blisters the like of which (wo)man has never known before? Check!

Paul Durcan poem for my ceremony reading (five copies thereof, in case four get lost en route)? Check!

‘Bird of paradise meets Danny La Rue’ style fascinator that I had specially made but am now having serious doubts about as it may be a bit too “Vegas showgirl”? Check!

Tummy holdy-in pants for when I make my fourth trip to the buffet table? Check!

My best friend in the whole wide world gets married on Saturday, and I’m already an over-emotional nervous wreck. I’m excited, yet a little sad that by Sunday it will all be over and I won’t have it all to look forward to. And I’m terrified ~ I’m up first for the ceremony readings and I’m so scared that I’ll get it wrong or trip over my dress on the way to the lectern or suddenly start speaking in tongues….

The bride-to-be is marvel of tranquillity, which, come to think of it, I was at this stage before my wedding last year. Maybe the bride is always the calm eye of the storm, and it’s everyone else who absorbs the anxiety on her behalf?

I’ll report back after the weekend (i.e. how many times I cried, how long before I whipped my blistery shoes off and chucked them in the Tyne, etc!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Novel is on a bit of a standby at the moment as I’ve been struck, out of the blue, by an extremely powerful short story that descended and has taken me over completely. I’ve been working on it everyday, and it’s more like taking down dictation than anything else ~ for the first time ever I understand what writers mean when they say that a story choose a writer and not the other way around. The voice, the plot, everything is all ‘there’. It’s a very exhilarating experience, and all going to plan there’s a few comps I’ve got in mind for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Acupuncture tomorrow, and frick do I need it?! I’ve been a bitch on wheels today and have bitten off the heads of anyone who crossed my path, and then spent all evening feeling bad about it and getting weepy. I think a giant glass of vino might be needed…..

Culture overload!

Oh my word, how has another week flown past??

Am buzzing with excitement as I've booked my ticket to see Kate Atkinson at the Durham Book Festival, and so I've pre-ordered this. Can't wait to read it.

As well as that I've booked for the ''Writing a Synopsis' workshop with Debbie Taylor (former Mslexia editor), which is apparently for "novelists preferably with a novel close to completion" which is a massive incentive to keep steaming ahead with the WIP so that I'm not sat at the back like the naughty girl who didn't do her homework.

But wait, there's more!
I've also booked for Iain Banks at my local library in September, as well as an evening with Tracy Chevalier in November (a veritable bargain at £3 a pop!)

So many writers flocking northwards ~ long may it continue!

PS: Go Rafa!!!!

Now here's a problem I wish I had!

Some writers, it seems, are too prolific......

The Perils of Productivity

A post with no title as I am totally lacking in inspiration......

Ascot ~ I've never really 'got' it. And this has done little to convince me that it isn't a just a bunch of sozzled toffs and wannabes trying too hard to have 'fun' . There's a woman wearing a bathroom for a hat. (Now there's a sentence you don't get to type every single day). And a pork pie hat that is, you know, an actual pork pie. Oh, the wit.........


yeah, ok, I'm bitchy today ~ it's that very special lady' time for me, and whilst I tend not to suffer much from PMT (disclaimer: to verify the accuracy of this statement please consult my husband. His response may differ a jot) I am suffering a great deal from Lack of Being Pregnant. I'm less than 2 months away from what would have been my due date, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to face the fact that I'm unlikely to be pregnant again by the time August rolls around. Last night I threw myself the mother of all pity parties: a good cry, a giant glass of wine, a Mars chocolate muffin and 'The best of Echo & the Bunnymen'. Do I know how to rock it, or what?

Anyhoo, I'm getting on with typing up the longhand drafts of the WIP during my lunch-hour at work, as the chappy who sits next to me is off on holiday and therefore no-one can see my screen (why is it that what's on someone elses screen always seems so fascinating? I HATE people looking at what I'm typing ~ it's like the evil little critic who perches on my shoulder made flesh!). And it's Friday which means its the weekend (oh joy), & I have acupuncture tonight, which is bound to make me feel better (thought I doubt listening to me wail "WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? Why am i not pregnant yet??????" for half an hour is going to be the finest possible start to acupuncture lady's weekend).

Buy this book!

Not least cos I'm in it.

What a lovely surprise ~ I'd pretty much forgotten all about it, got back from my counselling session this morning feeling a little bit drained and fragile, so this was a fantastic boost!

You can buy the book here. £6 from each copy (£10 from each download version) goes to Warchild, a network of independent organisations, working across the world to help children affected by war.

I've ordered my copy, and i can't wait to read the other contributions.

Congrats also to fellow racers Debs, Helen, Jen, Leigh and Zinnia, who are all in there too.

I promised myself....

.... that I'd put myself on a cash-fast this month i.e. no more impulse buying of books to be added to the TBR pile, I'd bring my lunch into work instead of buying over-priced sandwiches, I'd eat all the food in the freeezer before I went out & did another shop.
And my big reward at the end of all of this frugality would be a lovely new laptop, to replace the one which spluttered to a halt about six months ago.

I've been good, very very good. Eating up all the odds and ends has resulted in some very unconventional (by which I barely edible) meals, and my postman no longer has a hernia from delivering many a weighty tome to me.

I ummed and aaahhed about the laptop, to be honest ~ do I really need it, or do I just want it? (my matra of the last few weeks). I decided I really did need it ~ I am filling up notebooks at a healthy pace, and I need to start typing up before it becomes unmanageable.

And then last night I was offered a FREE LAPTOP by my unbelieveably kind brother!

Which means, of course, that I have fallen off the save-a-holic wagon in a BIG way, and just filled my Amazon basket with many many goodies. Sorry, Mr Postie.......

Early bird

Having been shamed by the fact that I have slacked off a mere three days into my new running schedule (and Jen's 7am running!) I forced myself out of bed super early today, breakfasted on chocolate and Berrocca, and headed out for a pre-work run.

I am not, and fear I never will be, a morning person. It didn't go well....


On the plus side I've downloaded 'Girl with a Pearl Earring' onto my MP3 player ~ so i may not be a bouncing morning workout babe, but at least I got meself a bit of culture en route.

Don't you just hate it when.....

.....you dream a great solution to something that's been niggling you. You know you did, and the dream is crystal clear in every element EXCEPT the blooming thing you wanted the solution to?

I've been trying to do some automatic writing, to blow away a few of the cobwebs. My writing seems a little turgid, recently, and I thought a few blasts at an unself-cosncious writing style might help. Problem is, I can't seem to shut up the nit-picking voice that stalls me and tries to correct what I'm writing every ten seconds.

And then last night I cracked it ~ in a dream. I wrote reams and reams of dazzling stuff, and all because I'd found a way to slip straight into the 'zone'.

I woke up, thrilled ~ until I discovered that the most crucial bit of the dream ~ the 'how to' ~ was missing from my brain.

Anyone got any tips for successful automatic writing?

Gulp!

I've just submitted ~ for the first time EVER ~ a piece to Mslexia. Under my real name.

I feel a bit sick, actually. But also rather proud of my bravery. Have utterly no belief that it will make it in, but I'm getting back on the submission horsey and starting to send stuff off, as I feel like I've done naff all in writing terms recently. Thats not strictly true, but I've been nowhere near focussed of late, and I need to get back into it.

It's been chaotic, the last few weeks.

The play wot I was in is done and dusted ~ thank Christ. Not a happy experience, overall, for lots & lots of reasons. Audiences loved it, mind you, but the rehearsal process was the most aggravating I've ever endured. I'll blog about it in more details when I've got a bit more perspective on that!


In other news, I've embarked upon a course of acupuncture, for stress relief, primarily, and I may well be addicted.

And I've started counselling, with regard to the miscarriage, as things were
getting harder, not easier, as time went on, and that ain't helping anyone or anything.

I've realised that I don't blog ~ or write ~ enough because I feel like I should have loads to say in order to make it worthwhile. And then I never get round to it.

So from now on snippets are the way forward for me.

Bite by bite.....

Normal service.....

....will be resumed soon, i hope.

It's been an odd time for me, recently. The crappy happenings of a few months back have started to hit hard. Silly me, I assumed that once the initial crying and bleeding was over with it would be onwards and upwards. I am lucky in one respect, as i have had little experience of grief in my life. However this meant that I was blissfully unaware that grief is a sneaky little bastard. It lurks beneath the surface until you think you've got your head above water, and then it grabs you by the ankle, pulling you down before you've had a chance to grab your breath. So these last few months have been like wading through mud.

And yet, whilst part of me is emotionally sapped, I'm doing great in other areas ~ I made the long-list (although not the short-list) of a short story competition that i had forgotten I had entered, which was an unexpected boost.

And I'm writing a lot. The novel is a bit of a fluffy duvet, which I can wrap myself up in and be far far removed from all the cacky mundanity. I have got almost an entire notebook of longhand to type up, and I've added a few new characters. Really pleased with how its going.

Also, I'm back on stage, which is another extremely fluffy duvet to wardoff all the nasty reality. Short version: husband is a professional actor, and we met through the theatre. I used to be involved in a lot of productions both on and back-stage. And, if I may be so bold as to blow my own trumpet, I wasn't too shabby an actress. And then allsorts got in the way ~ working full time & doing a part-time degree, writing, planning the wedding, moving house and so on ~ and so in the last fours years I've only taken one part on stage. And then out of the blue I got offered a part in a new play. A big part. And of the other adults cast, I'm the only non-professional, which I'm taking to be quite a compliment. And it's great. There really is nothing like being someone else for a while to literally take you out of yourself.

So, a mixed bag, this last few months: some bits are up, some bits are down, and I'm just in the middle trying to make some sense of it all.

And I still can't shake the feeling that there's something amazing on the horizon....... :-)

Freezing, but smiling

Hell, I know I'm pretty far north, but where is Spring, please? I am sick of being cold....and there's snow forecast for the Easter weekend.

So, in an attempt to cheer meself up I have shamelessly nicked Caroline's idea of a post about 34 things that make her smile. And so, in no particular order, we have:

1. home made soup

2. little round chocolates in bags (Maltesers, Revels, minstrels, et al)

3. my morning cup of strong tea, in my pint mug

4. waking up early

5. sticking on my running shoes and going for a challenging run…

6. …especially in my local park

7. puppies.

8. daffodils ~ such happy, happy faces

9. putting kitchen scraps into the wormery

10. pyjamas ~ I would wear nothing else, if possible... but people tend to point and laugh at you in the supermarket

11. the glass of wine on a Friday evening which signals the official start of the weekend….

12. ….to be sipped from one of my beeyootiful crystal glasses (engagement present from Grandma)

13. my husband

14. the crispy bits of cheese you get around the edge of a lasagne

15. a long hot bath

16. camomile and peppermint tea

17. being so absorbed by a book that you live it, breath it, dream about it

18. and deciding what to read next, after that one’s finished

19. my best friend

20. steak, with grilled onions and mushrooms

21. opening the curtains to see that the carpet of crocuses in my front garden is in full bloom

22. Seinfeld

23. making a ‘to do’ list….

24. … and then crossing things off it

25. unexpected compliments (giving and receiving them)

26. music, of (almost) any variety

27. detective novels

28. CSI Vegas and NY ~ but NOT Miami!

29. money in the bank

30. feather pillows and duvet

31. a new notebook

32. Waterman fountain pens

33. coincidence and synchronicity

34. rice pudding


So, what makes you smile?

Catching up.....

Not a huge amount done of the writing front of late ~ I've been felled by a rather vile projectile vomiting bug which has laid me low (but on the plus side my trousers are a wee bit looser, so silver lining and all that). The geyser-like qualities have subsided, but I'm quite run down, and it's all I can do to drag myself through to the end of the proper job work day at 5pm at the mo. Lots of ideas have floated through my slightly addled and dehydrated brain, though, so I've got lots to be cracking on with once i regain the strength to lift my pen again.

One of the best things about being ill is that bed rest and book reading are entirely compatible. So I've finished 'Behind the Scenes at the Museum', and WOW! I can't stop thinking about it, and I'm still seeing everything through the eyes of Ruby Lennox. I am in awe at Atkinson's ability to conceive of, such a complex family history and in such holistic, vivid detail. If you haven't read it, do so NOW!

I'm now reading 'In Search of Adam' ~ very powerful, and another admirably individual narrative voice. And the fact that it's set in my locality gives me a little frisson everytime I recognise a setting or place name.

I'm racing through ISOA, as it's so very 'readable'. Any recommendations for what I could read next?

Violence is golden

So, No Country for Old Men won four Oscars.

Hhhhmmmm.

I am seemingly in a minority of one, given my dislike of the film. Not dislike, even, more total apathy. I sat in the cinema wondering is this was really the film which scored 94% on Rotten Tomatoes?

I found the juxtaposition of underplayed acting with a Tom & Jerry-esque level of violence somewhat jarring. And if character is destiny, please can someone tell me why none of the leads appeared to have any real motivation behind their actions? Moss was running from Chigurh because Chigurh was chasing Moss.

Maybe it's Cormac McCarthy I can't quite take to ~ I seem to recall skiving off uni the week were supposed to be studying All the Pretty Horses. Although I'm tempted to give it a go now. Anyone read it? Yay, or nay?

Speaking of reading, I'm currently reading Behind the Scenes at The Museum, and loving it. How did it take me so long to discover this? I'm already getting sad at the prospect of finishing it. Still, I've discovered a wonderful new author, so now I can add a fair few more books to the TBR pile, and drift ever further from my resolution to buy no more books until I've read all the ones in the house.

I predict a dramatic increase in the word count next week, following the finale of the shoutiest cooking show on TV, Masterchef. I am desperately addicted, and will be bereft without it next week. It's James' to throw away: Emily has made too many mistakes this week, and Jonny will no doubt seve up a variation on meat and potatoes like he does for nigh upon every meal.

You're not the only one

The deadline for submissions for the charity anthology "You're not the only one" is looming, and i'm toying with submitting this piece (any crits more than welcome :-)) :


You’re not the only one. Happens all the time, quite common, really.

But it doesn’t happen all of the time to me. It’s not that common to me.

And at least now you know that you can conceive.

Thank you. But this was our baby, not a dress rehearsal.

I’m sure that everything will work out fine next time.

Are you? I wish I was. I’ve heard that before, in tones implying that I was a silly little thing, so anxious over a few spots of blood.

Its nature’s way, you know.

Ah, is it? And here’s me thinking I was being punished by some particularly vengeful god.

And at least it wasn’t born with something wrong with it.

We’ll crack open the bubbly.

It was probably for the best.

There have been a lot of ‘bests’ in my life so far. Losing my baby isn’t one of them.

I don’t know what to say.

No-one does. And that's just fine. There are no words that can make a difference. “Sorry” will do just fine

Word of the day

hypnopompic (hip-no-POM-pik) adjective


Pertaining to the semiconscious state before waking.

[From Greek hypnos (sleep) + pompe (sending away).]


Lovely word, for a delicious gauzy part of the day ~ my favourite part of the day, perhaps :-)



I haven't been blogging much lately ~ I've felt the need to curl up into a wee ball and attempt a form of hibernation. In fact I've been fairly hypnopompic. Haven't done much running or writing either, and that is offically A Bad Thing. I have promised myself I'll be a bit more proactive next week. maybe. If it's a bit warmer.



The lovely Iain Banks tells us Why he writes in The Guardian:

Q: What advice would you give to new writers?

A: The Three Ps: practice, practice, practice. Writing is like everything else: the more you do it the better you get.


Gawd bless him. He speak the truth.